Christmas past and present

I enjoy the Christmas lights, the festive mood, the sudden rush to see friends before the year closed, the exchange of presents, the outpouring of kindness in thoughts and deeds to everyone.

This time, for the first time in many years, I go back to two special people who are no longer around to make Christmas the cheery season that it is.

The grandmother in Bakersfield who baked her special rum soaked Christmas cakes for so many people. I remember especially her three young grandchildren ripping into the Christmas presents; the tinsel, ribbons and gift wraps quickly covering the floor.

And the man who always put up the best Christmas decorations and tree that he could for his grown children and young grandchildren even when they were not by his side for Christmas.

While I gather the family and friends for Christmas revelry, I am also thinking of loved ones who I shared Christmas with all those years ago.

And I am grateful to have them always, if only in my memory anymore.
 

I Pass

For the first time in six years, I have to give Mr Ropp's twice-a-year warehouse sale a miss...

Look at the dates! I cannot get away, even for the usual 3-day 2-night turnaround trips I have been doing.

More than pasing up on the fun of buying up beautiful clothes for the friends and myself, I will be pasing up on seeing the Paul Ropp warehouse store staff. 

More than staying away this one time, it will be the beginning of staying away in the future as saying "No" becomes easier in the future.

What were you thinking, Mr Ropp?

One Hundred Days later

I cant be contented with yesterdays glory
I cant live on promises winter to spring
Today is my moment, now is my story
Ill laugh and Ill cry and Ill sing

Father closed his eyes for the last time in early September.

A hundred days on, and I still find myself struggling to come to grips with lies, deceit and betrayal in the circle of people I least expected - Father's favourite son, his wife, his siblings.

For a hundred days, several ugly scenes kept replaying in a loop in my mind. I listened to platitudes about forgiveness and understanding: I heard nothing even vaguely close to an admission of wrong-doing. 

For a hundred days, I searched my soul for an answer as to where and how to go from here.

I know now. 

I will never forget the fact that these people committed an act of extreme cruelty - they denied a dying man his last wish which was to go home. The son had larcenous intents, the wife was selfish and did not want to be inconvenienced with a dying husband, and the siblings were acting out long-held resentment against Father. 

Time will never soften the pain I felt when I realised too late that I was blind-sided by trickery and treachery. 

This much I know: if the opportunity ever comes that I can hurt this son, wife and siblings as much as they have hurt Father, I will have no hesitation to act upon it.

Until then, these people cease to exist any more for me.